SOMETIMES SHE FEELS LIKE TOO MUCH

• Today's suggested practice: Day 23 of this month's practice... (see below)
• My playlist while writing today's meditation: more wind, more birds, more mowers and construction noises, more more more! Yes, sometimes it's too much...
• My morning practice: 90 minutes of physical, yogic, and meditative practice, including Infinite Trust pranayama and meditation
• My vulnerability practice:  Sitting with the "too much" and allowing it to be "just what I need"....

—Hans Peter Meyer

TODAY'S MEDITATIONToday started on a different note. The words and their inspirations had all fallen into place. And then.... a wind blew everything into chaos and disorder and .... something beautiful opened for me.

....

I am a masculine-identified man. I work to bring order and shape to the chaos of life. But this ordering and shaping becomes, eventually, what David Deida describes as a dry place. There is clarity in these dry places, but also a sterility and a hollowness. Not an emptiness that invites, but a hollowness that is brittle and unwelcoming.

....

I am a masculine-identified man and I need —and yes, I am talking about a "need" here, but one so different than the needs that are bandied about as "must be met" in the unimaginably boring discussions about relationships that come down to some kind of (very dry) exchange of services...

Let me say this again: I am a masculine-identified man and I need the flow of the feminine to remind me of how juicy and wet and fecund life is. Beauty. Love. These are the fruits of this feminine flow, a flow that I can hold, but that at its richest is overwhelming. Often "too much" for my habits of order and form. And, so, being "too much" for my dry habits, they are exactly what I need. Flooded by Her flow, overwhelmed by Her chaos, inundated without the wherewithal to know how to fix and order I am, at last, released into the treasure trove of life and allowed to experience so much more than I can imagine.

And this is why my beloved, in her silence and her distance and her flying-away against all the reasons is necessary, is the Oracle I need —again, yes, here is a need that I believe is valid and true— that I need to guide me to myself.

My injunction today: Allow her, the feminine-identified woman in your life to guide you. Let her be your Oracle as you find your way to become the man she knows you to be. Because she knows with unreasonable knowing who you are in your depths, even if you are afraid to be that man. Even when I am afraid to be that man. Today she calls me to stand, deeply rooted, firm, as she flies away into silence and distance and the unknown.

And listen, men: If you do not have a woman who sometimes feels like she’s too much (in my opinion this is a sure sign a woman is for you, that she is indeed your Oracle), if you are not blessed as so many (but not all) of us are with women who test us constantly, find one. Find one who lets you listen at her door as she shares her too-sensitive gifts, her overwhelming tenderness and rage and sensitivity to what this insensitive life so often brings her. Listen. And if you are still in need, try this: apply to listen to K on Instagram @darkfemininedesire. Even for those who, like me, do have an Oracle who is too much, I recommend regular readings of her feminine torments. She is, indeed, too much. She is exactly what a masculine-identified man needs to guide him to himself.

ps. If you want help with just staying present for your Oracle and her “too-much,” I may be able to help.

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONS🌀So deeply grateful for these daily meditations and your heartfelt and deeply touching words. As a woman, it's deeply healing to be witnessing and feeling the masculine in his vulnerable, calm, and honest expression. (K, Dark Feminine Desire)

🌀Only the one who descends into the underworld rescues the beloved. (Kierkegaard, Fear & Trembling)

🌀I am committed to my soul's evolution and truth. And there's nothing more true than to walk my path, committed to you... (Anonymous)

🌀I’m always impressed by you. (My beloved, my Oracle)

TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE Day 23 of this month's practice, seven minutes to listen, again, to your own inner oracle... and let Her be felt as the "too much" that shows you how to be the man (or woman! or human being!) you do not know you are capable of being...

Please read through first, then ...

• Today, sit (or stand) in stillness with one question: How do I hold space to really feel the edge of fear, and let it open me...?
• Set your timer for seven minutes.
• Sit or stand. If you are feminine-identified, please sit or lie down to allow your body to be still while your inner tides of feeling ebb and flow, your inner oracle speaks to you. If you are masculine-identified, consider standing, consider feeling the tension in your body as you hold space for yourself and your own tides as you do this practice, as you feel your own resistance to the wisdom of your body telling you how beautiful and strong and knowing you are.
• Begin by closing your eyes and aligning your body into its truest, most elegant posture, tucking your chin to lift your heart, tilting your pelvis to straighten your spine. Breathe slowly through your nose and down through your softened throat. Feel the "almost-snoring" of your breath as it passes into your body, filling your belly, your heart, then pressing down into your pelvis. If you are sitting or standing, lift out of your pelvis, letting your pelvis and legs become heavy, dropping into the earth below. If you are laying down, let the weight of your hips and shoulders be held by earth's gravity.
• Feel your breath. Feel it enter your throat. Feel it fill your belly and up into your diaphragm. Feel it leave your belly, your diagram, your throat, your nostrils....
• Feel your skin as you breathe. Feel your lips as you breathe. Feel your fingertips, your forearms. Feel the tops of your thighs, the outsides of your thighs. Feel your inner thighs, from your knees and then all the way to your sex. Feel your sex and your belly and your heart. Breathe into this lower triangle and feel your anus, your perineum, your sex, your belly. Exhale and as you exhale notice any and all feelings, sensations, thoughts as they move up from this lower triangle and into your heart space. Breathe into the depths of this lower triangle again, and exhaling, allow yourself to feel the most subtle of feelings here, and in your thighs, and in your fingertips, and in your tongue and lips and cheeks. Feel the flow of sensation all over your body. As you breathe allow it to become even more powerful as a sensation. Even your thoughts are now sensations on the skin, under the skin, in various parts of your body. There is no right or wrong here, there is only the feeling, and bringing your attention to it, not to control it but to allow it to become all that it needs to be. Feel it. Know it. All of it. There may be many and diverse thoughts and feelings and sensations occurring at the same time. If so, good. If not, just keep breathing int that which is being experienced. It may only be the sensitivity of your nostrils, your throat, your body as it rises and falls with the breath. Allow whatever is to be the fullest expression of itself. Notice it. Attend to it (bring your full attention to it). Allow it to flower and become rich and wonderful, even if terrifying. Just feel, notice, allow. And, when you are ready and able, enjoy. It is all here for you.
• Continue to breathe into wherever you are experiencing.
• As the timer signals the end of these seven minutes of feeling, perhaps "too much," but always exactly what you need right now, allow your eyes to slowly open. Take three, relaxed breath cycles and see yourself sitting wherever you are. Feel the solidity of the ground or floor beneath you. It is enough to hold you. Your body is enough to hold all that you experience. You are ready to enter the rest of your day. Enjoy!