I HAD NO IDEA

• Today's suggested practice: Day 19 of this month's practice... (see below)
• My playlist while writing today's meditation: The ravens, flying overhead...
• My morning practice: waking late, at 6am to practice 60 minutes of physical, yogic, and meditative practice, including Infinite Trust meditation and pranayama (breath work)
• My vulnerability practice: to sit and do nothing and only allow, allow her devotion to be felt...

—Hans Peter Meyer

TODAY'S MEDITATION

It’s true: I had no idea. No idea what she needs was giving me. No idea that I was so afraid to receive what she was giving me. No idea that, again, regret shows me more beauty than I can imagine.

....

The ravens. So many for this little urban wilderness without the great trees they love. What do their cries portend? I can wonder. Or, just enjoy. Open myself just a little more, and enjoy. Allow these birds to fly, to call. Allow myself to feel what is stirred here, in this moment, this raven moment, without thought. Let's see how that goes...

Reading Katrine's devotional yesterday (I've quoted an excerpt, below) I was overcome with regret. Remembering how my beloved knelt in devotion before me. Regret because I didn't recognize her as the goddess making an offering. Regret that I still struggle with simply relaxing, becoming nothing but awareness, allowing her to experience herself as the goddess, as beauty and love and flow incarnate.

It is so easy for me, I wrote to K afterwards, so easy to confuse my masculine penetration, providing, protection as the "giving." But I am only, and was ever only, returning the gift. Or, as is so often the case, penetrating to receive her gifts.

"Now you know," K replied. Indeed. And I am grateful for this regret that shows me more. Grateful at this moment of regret for shining a light on my confusion and my hubris. I have so much upside down, backwards, topsy turvy. Only in sitting still and breathing and letting this regret open me that I begin to approximate the nothingness that is fully able to appreciate her, fully able to cherish and receive all she gives me.

It had been years, four years since we went on a "date." In between, a long and torturous time of waking to who I am as a man. As we prepared to leave I put on my hat and turned to face her radiance. "You are beautiful," she said, my Oracle.

There is no mystery here. Receive her exactly as she is. Allow her to give, exactly as she gives.

I can do this.

TODAY’S INSPIRATIONS 🌀Do you have any idea how beautiful you are, when you lean back and allow me to worship [you]...? Do you understand what a deep honour it is to be allowed to devote my whole being to receive you in my [body]....? The act of giving is actually melting away. It's only receiving and receiving. (Katrine, Dark Feminine Desire)

🌀The love from the divine feminine is all the divine masculine needs as a teacher, because it is all-encompassing.

Its unforced & undemanding nature summon forth a life of deeper integrity & purpose.

But the masculine has to be willing to receive it.

If he's unwilling, he will be afraid & run.

This is a sign that he is scared of his depth. (Preston Bryant)

🌀You are beautiful. (My beloved, my Oracle)

TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE

Day 19 of this month's practice, take 11 minutes today to breathe into your belly and receive...

Please read through first, then ...

• Today, sit (or stand) in stillness with this question.... Where do I resist Her gifts?
• Setup: your "setup" for daily practice is critical. It is, in fact, how you "stand your ground," not to resist, but to receive.
• If you are feminine-identified, please sit or lie down to allow your body to be a still container and allow the river that flows through you to nourish you. If you are masculine-identified, practice disciplining yourself to stand, feeling the tension in your body as you root, creating a safe space for yourself as the powerful presence your own river needs to freely move through you and through your world.
• Begin by closing your eyes and aligning your body into its truest, most elegant posture, tucking your chin to lift your heart, tilting your pelvis to straighten your spine. Become still, more still than you've ever been. Your alignment is the physical training for trustworthiness. Bring your hands to your heart, right (masculine) over left (feminine).
• Focus on the movement of your breath through your body as a tide, a current, a dance of feminine energy wanting to move through and into every part of you, bringing you gifts and nourishment you cannot imagine, so do not try to imagine, just feel the flow of breath moving through you...
• Set your timer for 11 minutes or listen to the "Adi Shakti" mantra here:

• As the timer signals or the mantra ends allow your eyes to slowly open. Take three, relaxed breath cycles, no pressing, no effort, and feel yourself full, without thoughts, just full. Nourished. Then, step into your day, letting the mantra echo as a nourishing vibration whenever you become still.

✨